I’ve had some push-back about the title of my blog, “Too Fat to Love”. I’ve been told it’s too negative and that every time I read my own blog title my cells will remember it and think it is what my body wants…to be fat and unloved.
I don’t fully disagree. I don’t completely understand or believe the cell thing, but as far as my title being negative, uh yea, it’s negative. Does that make you uncomfortable? Does it make you uncomfortable that I or anyone else (maybe even you) might ever feel too fat to be loved? Good, that should make you uncomfortable.
But here’s the thing, I’m going to let you off the hook, it’s not your responsibility to fix it. And I’m not saying that in a “shut up and mind your own business way”, I’m saying that in a “hey, this is reality; you can either accept it or ignore it, but please don’t try to convince me I need to ignore it because I’m doing some deep internal and emotional work here. Oh and also, God told me to (that’s the Christian argument stopper right there…amiright?)”
With that being said, here is what God has been revealing to me about this blog title, “Too Fat to Love.”
Everything is redeemable: This title is not the end, it’s the journey. God is showing me that when I feel too fat I can’t fully love others (usually because I’m jealous or comparing), let alone accept love for myself. I will say it again, God keeps telling me this title is about the journey. I know the end, I am loved. I don’t always feel loved but I know how it ends: I am loved. But God wants me to write about the journey, not just the end. The journey is uncomfortable; the journey has blood, sweat, and tears. The journey requires perseverance, courage, and faith. The journey is all about hoping for what is unseen, and can I add in, hoping for what is not felt? The journey is where healing is found. The journey is where I press into Christ. But part of the journey is recognition and coming out of denial. “There are times when I simply feel fat. And when I feel fat, I feel like I don’t deserve to be loved.” It is only when I recognize those thoughts that I can then ask myself, “why?” It is only after I name those feelings that I can identify the lies behind them and then begin to fight them.
This title is about the battle. This title is about the first step. This title is for all of those people out there who maybe believe this lie too. But most importantly, this title is ALL ABOUT REDEMPTION. And redemption always points me to Christ. But guess what? To have redemption we need to accept that we have a need for it. If I didn’t need saving then I wouldn’t need a savior.
So does this title make you uncomfortable? Good, because it’s reality. Sometimes I do feel too fat to be loved. But guess what, the title is just the beginning. The title is me coming out of denial. The title is me setting aside my pride and telling you guys, “hey, I don’t have it all together and I need a savior…no, not you…Jesus. I need Jesus!” This blog is about my journey with Christ to find love and to feel loved in all circumstances… even the negative ones, because guess what, God is THAT big. God is THAT powerful. God is THAT great that he can save me from the negative of negatives. Every single ounce of me is redeemable, yep, even every single cell.