“But the Lord said me, ‘Do not be afraid of her. For I have given her and all her people and her land to you. Do to her just as you did to Anxiety of the mind, who lived in the land of Panic.”
This is a verse from Deuteronomy 3 that I amended for my own use. She is me, and yet she is not me at all. I am going into battle against the me that is a believer of lies. I am going into battle against my own thoughts; thoughts that at first merely set up camp, then settled into the region of my mind and fortified its position with walls and fortresses. Thoughts that told the rest of me I was not enough.
I’m scared to go in there. I’m scared to destroy these villages of thought. I’m scared to kill every last living thought and I’m even scared to take the plunder for myself. What if destroying these thoughts means I lose everything I had once gained: admiration from *Bea (name changed),the prettiest girl in the land, for those rare moments when I was enough. What if destroying these thoughts meant I would lose every single victory of being chosen by others because of what I did and who I was. What if instead of gaining a village of thought I am destroyed by it!
That night all the members of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. 2 All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness! 3 Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?” 4 And they said to each other, “We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt.”
5 Then Moses and Aaron fell face down in front of the whole Israelite assembly gathered there. 6 Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had explored the land, tore their clothes 7 and said to the entire Israelite assembly, “The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. 8 If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. 9 Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will devour them. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them.”
Will I rebel and retreat just like the Israelites? Will I be doomed to wander this desert of self-loathing for another 38 years? NO!!!
NO!! I will not stand down. I will not retreat!
It is time. I am armored up, and I am going into battle. I will face these lies , I will fight these lies, and I will conquer these lies! I will take my mind back! I will because God is and He has already devoured these lies! It is finished, all I need to do is walk in there and take it!