“It’s a long climb up the dusty mountain
to build a turret tall enough to keep you out
but when you wage your wars against the one who adores you,
then you’ll never know the treasure that you’re worth
but I’ve never been a wealthy one before
I’ve got holes in my pockets burned by liars’ gold,
and I think I’m far too poor for you to want me”
-In Memoriam by The Oh Hellos
It’s true, I carry lies around in my pockets that burn holes. It doesn’t matter that the liars’ gold falls through the holes because its goal was to burn the hole. The goal of the liars’ gold was to make sure that real gold could not be collected in my pockets.
But Jesus’ love cannot be bought and Jesus’love cannot be contained by a pocket, so whatever my pocket could hold doesn’t really matter. An empty pocket can’t keep me from a love that was, is, and will be. A hole in my pocket can’t keep me from a love that surrounds my entire being like water.
It’s funny, I think I am clothed in robes of white and gold and purple. I know the bible just says white, but I see trim of gold and purple. From far away the robe is just white, but close up there is trim, intricate little details embroidered with love. And it’s not embroidered with the things I have done, really the embroidery has nothing to do with me. The gold and purple is not me, it’s Jesus. And yet I am the one who gets to wear it. I am the one who gets to show the world the beauty that I am clothed in and that beauty has nothing to do with me, and yet it has everything to do with me. It is not of me, but it is what makes me beautiful. It is not my work, but it is what sets me apart. In fact it is what sets us all apart. My embroidery is different from the others, each of us has a unique design, but none better than the other.
But I don’t interact with the world like I am clothed in these robes. I am so focused on what others have and are, that I can’t see what I have is undying, never failing love and what I am is beautiful. I have been chosen to wear this robe; this robe that as been washed in the blood of the lamb. I have been chosen to display Jesus, the Jesus that is everything and the only thing. I have been chosen for a life of riches and beauty and I am somehow getting caught up in the fact that I couldn’t wear So-and-So’s robe because she is so much skinnier than me and it would cling in all the wrong places.
Who cares?! Clearly I do, but why? Why does it matter so much? It’s that damned liars’ gold! I keep believing that He will choose others over me.